romanticizing warriorhood

By Keith L. Camacho

whenever we wounded any of those people with a shaft which entered their body, they looked at it and then marvelously drew it out, and died so forthwith.
antonio pigafetta, 1521
pigafetta, ferdinand magellan's recorder of events,
says that my ancestors "marvelously" drew shafts
out of their bodies       wow
i then began to marvel at our warriorhood
at our encounters       at our spears
the kind of spears my ancestors used
the kind I wanted to use
the kind my friend used
she showed me one
sketched on a paper pad
showed the sharp tip
the slim shaft
and said, "see, that's what we used"
quiet       thinking       marvelled
i then shaped my spear       like my friend's own
the spear is made of ifet       umbre nai, a solid red wood
old       decorated       as benches, clocks and other things
around our homes       everywhere, really
so i drive to a jungle in guam,
the island magellan
stumbled upon       lost at sea: what he they you call "discovery"
entering the jungle
i ask permission
from the spirits
with my machete
chopping away
i find an ifet tree
cut a piece
carrying the wood
to my truck
drive away
returning to the house
the outside kitchen, actually
i begin shaping the wood
smoothing out splinters
cracks and chips
initially, the spear looks
like a baseball bat
which was part of my intention
i wanted something to play with       something       to hurt with
something to cut and trim
and sand and think
about how my spear will turn out
i want jagged edges on the sides
easy now       one by one       i don't want to cut myself
"looking" at the spear,
i know it's mine
i also carve into the grains
the genealogies of
familian capili and pakito: what she us i call: "indigeneity"
raising the spear       breathing       pausing
high above my head       lowering quickly
thrusting       piercing my abdomen
dazed i am in pain
it hurts       you hear me?       it fuckin hurts
i then "marvelously"
expunge the spear
from my body
guts spill
intestines fumbling
through my hands
i then fall to my knees
gurgling       coughing       spitting
looking
above       me
stands antonio pigafetta
writing something
his eyes filled with excitement
as if he were a modern-day
anthropologist
historian
maybe even       journalist
his hands move
faster than mine
they are quick
like his companions' hands
which pick       and pick       and pick       at my entrails
i blink for the first time
falling to my side
slowly       oh sooo slowly
so I can view
the spaniards
become
the cannibals
they are
now i can barely open my eyes
glancing up
and noticing cl ou ds c a l m l y mo vi n g ac ros s
t he sky a nd in be tw een p a l m le aves
i blink again
and witness pigafetta
walking away
he has seen enough
i laugh
laughing hard       you hear me?       fuckin hard
because my relatives
and friends are also laying
on their sides
withdrawing spears
from themselves
while drawing
these events
into their minds
and so we laugh
still laughing
because we never "died so forthwith"
not then
                     not now
                                          not ever
................................................................................
 Keith L. Camacho is an assistant professor in the Asian American Studies Department at the University of California, Los Angeles. He researches issues concerning the sovereignty and survival of Indigenous peoples in the Pacific Islands.